Untitled On Purpose

I feel like the luckiest person in the world, and I don’t know how to explain why…I have no solid place to go, no solid person for me to rest my head on their shoulder, no family I can rely on. Out of five siblings, I have one sister that cares…I guess that is just the way I was brought up, the reason all of us kids are so separated from one another. My family doesn’t know to what extent my problems were/are over here in Europe, and I may never tell them, based simply on the fact that in some way or another, it will get twisted against me, or against foreigners, because, as you know, most Americans think their country is the best, without ever throwing themselves out there into other cultures to explore. I have had horrible experiences, but I have also had amazing experiences, that time and again make me realize that I would gladly go through everything all over again, as long as I get back to that one moment…I have experienced things I never thought I would, things I would never have done if I was in the United States.
I have the urge to do something I have never done constantly. I am more sure about myself than ever, I have better self esteem, and I know what I want out of this life. I don’t care how poor I am, I just want to live, to have a happy life, if I’m not happy, its time to move on…

I am at peace with the fact that I have no money to get back to the United States…that it may take me another year to get back, and maybe this is a good thing. I have to make the best out of what I have been given, because there are no other options, but I feel like I have been given the best. I laugh about things that would make normal people anxious, I laugh at our creative hostel meals that we always seem to be able to put together, I laugh because I can’t imagine life any other way, I live as free as possible, the world always has its ways of giving to you when you are in need.
I managed to be able to get some boots for this coming winter, a jacket, sweaters….all I really need to keep me warm, and I’m happy…I don’t know where I will be in one month or less, I don’t know what my situation will be, I don’t have anything that I don’t need…but I’m happy, the happiest I have ever been, I feel completely at peace with everything in my life…I feel like I have reached something that is little known to be attainable..